Guess who I/me is/am??

I arrived in Amsterdam early Friday (6/1/07) afternoon. Having been there before, I'd committed myself to getting reacquainted with the city I'd spent 4-5 days in back in 2002. After ditching my oversized Kelty Players Papoose and leaving a note that I'd be back to catch dinner with the Tascas (in whose tiny hotel holding cell I was staying), I set out to re-explore the town.

Wandering through the Leidseplein and up The Dam was exactly as I remembered it. Honestly, I'm not sure the place has changed at all. In fact, I think the same bum duped me and my bleeding heart out of a Euro. Only this time, that shit was $1.35 instead of $0.93. Once I made that calculation, I had half a mind to beat his ass, but the realist in me said "fuck it, I stand no chance against a guy who's lasted 5 years on the same street corner, when all I did was complain about 4 years at Credit Suisse."

45 minutes of aimless meandering later, I said nearly aloud "who are we really kidding?" and dove into a coffee shop while wondering who I thought "we" might be in that sentence. 45 minutes after that, I knew exactly who it was. My conversation with myself went roughly as follows:

Me: I can sit here in this coffee shop all day. Damn, they play good music here. Is this the new Arctic Monkeys? Didn't Jones say they were playing soon?

Myself: That kid is probably plotting the death of half of Bangalore right now. This coffee sure is yummy.

Me: I should text Abhay, and call him Abhay. Where does that kid get off changing his name from something simple like Abe to something totally anti-beef like Abhay? Is he a vegetarian now?

Myself: He's probably with Hamas now.

Me: Hummus, Hamas... same thing, really. We've got to get out of this place.

Me: Good call, dude. Not about the hummus, because that didn't make any sense at all. But we don't stand a chance of making it back to the hotel by 7 if we... hey, this is the Arctic Monkeys!

Myself: Stay focused.

Me (standing up): Standing up seemed much easier to accomplish in theory than in reality. Why is water so expensive here?

Myself (after exiting said coffee shop): that bench over there looks good to sit/lay down.

Me (standing in the middle of a small square 15 feet from the coffee shop): Dude, don't be some dumb wacked American tourist. That shit's embarrassing.

Myself: I'm sorry, I'm wacked. I got us out of the coffee shop. Now it's your turn.

Me: This is embarrassing.

Myself: We really need to work together, here!!

I: How many people are talking inside my head right now??

Me/Myself/I: We all really need to sit down and stop staring at that guy's girlfriend.

So, after bravely walking out of the coffee shop with the intent to make progress towards a goal, I made it about 15 feet, then doubled back 6 feet, and sat still for about an hour and wondered if anyone was looking at me, I, or we.