May I have a footlong italian and a hairweave please?

Welcome to Smyrna, Delaware; the first stop on my whirlwind tour of greater everyplace. I dropped into this eclectic eatery on Main St. in Smyrna last week for what I thought would be a less-than-memorable Italian sub. What I got instead, was a less-than-memorable lesson in Smyrna's interpretation of American sandwich fare.

As can easily be recognized in the picture, this is the Choice Market & Deli. The "choice," I came to find out, wasn't "mustard or mayo" as I'd understandably expected, but instead was "weave or wig," in sort of a South Bronx "next door to the gun store" kind of way. Hehe, that rhymes.

As the legend goes, I'd ordered an italian, turned around, and was confronted with the rather astonishing selection of hair weaves, wigs, and Lee Press-On nail color options at my disposal. So, as I paid for my lousy sub in front of a short line of Flavor of Love castoffs, I was anticipating the worst sandwich ever. Instead, I was greeted with the third worst sandwich ever, followed by a mild stomach virus and intense buyers remorse. Which looking back, was actually somewhat fortunate. Kind of like what I imagine it must be like to bareback a Cambodian prostitute, and only come away with something treatable like crabs.

Moral of the story is, if you ever find yourself in Smyrna DE, and you're not a married, overweight NASCAR fan in jean shorts and hunting gear, RUN!!! Or stop into the Choice Market & Deli and get a case of the runs. Ewwww.......